I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
