rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think your dad took our porno
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize