My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Couch. On fire.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
