And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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