im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
