he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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