1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
