O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
