dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
