I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
