is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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