i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
