Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
