um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize