Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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