that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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