are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize