i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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