he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize