Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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