This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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