Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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