you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
