a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
