i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think people are normalizing furries
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
