Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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