wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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