he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
