I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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