I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he's gonorrhea incarnate
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
