I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
