just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
