i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Too much gin, very little bucket
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
