ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
