WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
