a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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