fuck your aforementioned shoe
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
