batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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