We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize