I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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