Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
