i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
