bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize