His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
