Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
