So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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