The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
