He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
