K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
