My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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