I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize