Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
