It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
