she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
