when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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