Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize