me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
