I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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