The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
