i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
