I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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