Please, let me fuck your mom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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