So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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