Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
