the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
