She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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