Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
