you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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