it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
