i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
