D3 body, D1 cock
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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