i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
