He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
