i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize